Intrusive Thoughts: When Your Mind Scares You

A note before you read: This article discusses intrusive thoughts in motherhood, including frightening thoughts about harm coming to a baby. These thoughts are far more common than most mums realise, and having them does not make you a bad mother. If you are in a vulnerable place, please read with care. Support resources are at the bottom of this page.

She was bathing her baby when the thought came.

What if I drown her?

She froze. She loved her child more than anything, so why was her brain showing her this?

She told no one for two years.

What are intrusive thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, scary, or uncomfortable thoughts that suddenly pop into your mind uninvited. For new mothers, they often involve fears of harm coming to the baby, accidentally or intentionally, even when the mother has absolutely no desire to hurt her child.

Research shows they affect as many as 70 to 90 percent of new mothers. A mother may suddenly find herself thinking:

What if I drop my baby?
What if I lose control?

These thoughts often arrive in quiet, ordinary moments and can leave a mother feeling ashamed, shaken, and deeply alone.

But here is the important thing. Intrusive thoughts are not a reflection of your character. They are thoughts, not intentions.

Why does your brain even do this?

After childbirth, the brain shifts into a heightened state of alert. It becomes hypervigilant, constantly scanning for danger, even when everything around you is safe. It is trying to protect your baby, but sometimes it overshoots and begins generating worst case scenarios.

Think of it like a smoke alarm that has become too sensitive. It was designed to protect you, but now it goes off even when there is no fire, only steam from the shower. You would not assume the house is burning down. You would recognise that the alarm is overreacting.

The same can happen with the postpartum brain.

An overactive alarm does not mean your house is dangerous. And an overactive mind does not mean you are dangerous either.

In fact, intrusive thoughts usually affect the mothers least likely to act on them. The thoughts horrify you. They make you anxious, guilty, desperate to push them away. That reaction matters.

A mother who truly wanted to harm her child would not be terrified by the thought of doing so. She would not spend sleepless nights crying over it or questioning herself endlessly. The distress itself is evidence that the thought goes against who you are.

Your fear is not proof that you are dangerous. It is proof that you care deeply.

Common types of intrusive thoughts in mothers

Harmful thoughts are perhaps the most frightening. They involve sudden mental images of accidentally or intentionally hurting the baby, even though the mother has no desire to do so. Imagining dropping the baby, losing control near a staircase, causing harm in a moment of exhaustion. Because these thoughts feel so wrong, some mothers quietly restructure their lives around them, avoiding heights, asking someone else for bath time, staying out of the kitchen alone with the baby. They are not dangerous. They are terrified.

Accident related thoughts centre on the fear that something terrible could happen even in safe situations. A mother may check repeatedly that the baby is still breathing, replay her bedtime routine in case she missed something, or feel creeping dread when nothing is visibly wrong. Anxiety rarely accepts the first reassurance you give it.

Contamination fears make ordinary newborn care feel fraught. Repetitive washing, excessive cleaning, deep discomfort when visitors touch the baby. Being careful is natural. But when the fear becomes relentless and no amount of cleaning feels like enough, it drains a mother until caring for her baby feels like one long anxiety spiral instead of something tender.

When intrusive thoughts become more serious

For most women, intrusive thoughts are distressing but manageable. They come, they go, life continues. But for some mothers, the thoughts do not let up, and that is when it is worth knowing about postpartum OCD.

What makes postpartum OCD distinct is a particular cruelty. The mother knows, on some rational level, that her fears are irrational. She knows she would never hurt her baby. She knows the obsessive worry makes no logical sense. And yet the thoughts keep coming, loud and insistent, as though her brain refuses to believe any reassurance she tries to give it.

To quiet the anxiety, she may develop rituals. Checking the baby's breathing dozens of times a night. Seeking reassurance from her partner, only for the relief to last minutes before the dread rushes back in. She may avoid being alone with the baby, not because she wants to, but because she is terrified of her own mind.

She is not broken. And she is not alone.

If any of this sounds familiar, if the thoughts feel relentless, the rituals are consuming your day, or you are avoiding your own baby out of fear, please reach out to a professional. Postpartum OCD responds well to treatment, and you do not have to wait until things become unbearable before asking for help.

How to cope with intrusive thoughts

When a frightening thought arrives, every instinct tells you to fight it, to push it away with everything you have. But the harder you fight, the more space it seems to take up, like trying not to think about something and finding you can think of nothing else.

Mental health experts often encourage a completely different approach. Not fighting. Just stepping back.

Name the thought for what it is

When something frightening surfaces, try saying to yourself quietly:

This is an intrusive thought. It is not a plan. It is not reality.

You do not have to believe it fully yet. Just say it anyway. That act of naming creates a sliver of distance between you and the thought, and over time, that distance makes it feel less like a verdict about who you are and more like passing weather.

Drop the self judgment

A disturbing thought does not make you a disturbing person. Thoughts arrive automatically, the way dreams do. You did not choose them, and you do not have to own them. You are not defined by every frightening image your exhausted, overprotective brain produces at three in the morning.

Come back to your body

If you feel yourself starting to spiral, here is something that can help. Look around you, right now, wherever you are. Find five things you can see, really see them, notice their shapes and colours. Then four things you can physically feel: the floor under your feet, the fabric against your arm, the warmth of your baby if she is close. Then listen for three sounds.

This will not make the anxiety disappear. But it can interrupt the wave long enough to bring you back into the present moment, back into the room, back into your body, where you are a mother who is safe, and who is trying.

Say it out loud to someone you trust

Shame grows enormous in silence. So many mothers carry these thoughts alone for months, sometimes years, convinced that speaking them will change how people see them. But the relief of finally saying my mind has been scaring me to a friend, a partner, a therapist can be one of the most freeing things you ever do.

What to say when a mother opens up

If a mother trusts you with this, how you respond in that moment matters enormously. She has almost certainly been afraid to say anything for a very long time. Do not panic or pull away. Meet her where she is.

You might say:

Thank you for trusting me with this.
You are not a terrible mother.
I am glad you told me.

A calm, compassionate response can be the thing that finally helps her feel safe enough to seek real support.

Resources and support

Please speak honestly to your doctor, midwife, or a mental health professional about what you are experiencing. You will not be the first mother to walk through that door carrying this.

In Nigeria:

She Writes Woman. A free, confidential, 24/7 mental health helpline. Call 0800 800 2000 (toll free) or visit shewriteswoman.org

Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI). 24/7 free and confidential support. Visit mentallyaware.org

SURPIN (Suicide Research and Prevention Initiative). Crisis line on 0908 021 7555 or 0806 210 6493.

Postpartum Support Network Africa. A Nigeria based non profit supporting mothers with postpartum mental health. Call 0811 354 6313 or visit psnafrica.com

Outside Nigeria:

Postpartum Support International (PSI). Visit postpartum.net

PANDAS Foundation. Visit pandasfoundation.org.uk

Maternal Mental Health Alliance. Visit maternalmentalhealthalliance.org

You are not alone in this. And you deserve proper support and care. If this article spoke to you, please share it with a mother who might need to read it today.