You Haven't Achieved All Your January Goals. So What, Mama?

You Haven't Achieved All Your January Goals. So What, Mama?

Go and find the list.

It's in the notes app you haven't opened since March, or the back of the diary you stopped writing in by February. Somewhere there's a page with your handwriting on it and a few things you meant to do this year.

Maybe lose some weight. Save more money. Finish the course. Change jobs. Finally start that business you've been talking about since before the children.

Maybe the big one was just to be a happier, more confident version of yourself.

And now it's November. You look at that list and there are things on it you haven't even started.

And that little voice starts up. So what exactly have you done this year?

Can we talk about what actually happened?

The mornings you got everybody out of the door when you'd barely slept.

The bills that came out of nowhere and swallowed the money you were saving.

The weeks your child was unwell and everything else just stopped.

The evenings you promised yourself you'd study, or work on the business, or do one thing that was only for you. And then everyone was finally settled and you sat down and couldn't even think straight.

And some of it had nothing to do with being a mother. Life got hard. Things happened that you never saw coming and you had to find your way through them while still doing everything else.

None of that was on the January list. But it took your time, your energy, and some weeks it took everything you had.

And here's the part we don't say out loud

Some of what you're calling failure was actually a decision.

You could have done the course. You'd have had to give up those evenings, or stop cooking every night, or ask somebody for help you didn't want to ask for. You weighed it up, probably in about four seconds, and you chose.

Then you spent the rest of the year calling that choice I didn't have time.

That's not the same as doing nothing. That's choosing, over and over, usually in favour of somebody else. Nobody writes that on a goal tracker, so it doesn't count. Not even to you.

It's hard when everyone else seems to be moving

Someone has bought a house. Someone has launched a business. Someone has lost the weight. Someone is celebrating the exact thing you were quietly hoping would be your testimony this year.

And you're happy for them. You really are. But you also wonder when it's going to be your turn.

You're allowed to admit that.

You can love your family, be grateful for your life, and still be disappointed that certain things haven't worked out. Gratitude doesn't mean pretending you're satisfied with everything.

Don't let that list wipe out the year

You handled things this year that would have flattened the woman you were in January.

Maybe you finally learned to say no to somebody. Maybe you kept showing up at work and at home for people who needed you, while carrying something nobody knew about.

None of that fits in a box you can tick. It still happened.

This isn't me telling you to forget your dreams

The opposite, actually.

You're allowed to want more for yourself. You're allowed to be ambitious. You're allowed to look at that list and decide some of it is still worth going after.

But stop punishing yourself for how far you haven't got, and ask a different question. What's actually possible with the time, the energy and the money you have right now?

You probably won't finish everything before December. One real step might be all you can manage.

Take that one.

And if the timeline needs to move, move it. Changing when is not the same as giving up.

One last thing

Go back to that list and read it properly.

Cross out anything that was never really yours. You know the ones. The goals you set because they sounded like the kind of woman you were supposed to be.

Then look at what's left and ask which one you'd still be annoyed about in five years.

That's the one. Put it on next year's list and let the rest of them go.

You don't have to end this year with every box ticked for it to have counted.

You've spent most of this year making sure everybody else was all right. As you start looking at next year, don't forget that behind all of that, there's a woman who still has things she wants for herself.

She deserves a turn too.