Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour used to gain or keep power and control over a partner or family member. It is not always physical. Understanding the different forms can help you recognise what is happening.
Not every unhealthy relationship is abusive — but fear, control and force are never a healthy part of love.
What it can look like
Put-downs, humiliation, constant criticism, name-calling, blaming, or making someone doubt their own memory and judgement.
Why it matters
It wears away confidence and independence over time, and often sits alongside other forms of control.
What it can look like
Pushing, slapping, hitting, kicking, restraining, choking or strangling, or any use of force. Choking or strangulation is especially dangerous.
Why it matters
Physical abuse can cause serious or life-changing injury, and tends to escalate over time.
What it can look like
Pressure or coercion into sexual activity, ignoring a 'no', or forcing sexual acts. This includes within marriage or a long relationship.
Why it matters
Consent can be withdrawn at any time. Being in a relationship never removes the right to say no.
What it can look like
Controlling money, withholding essentials, taking wages, running up debt in someone's name, or stopping them working.
Why it matters
Financial dependence can trap someone in an unsafe relationship and is a recognised form of abuse.
What it can look like
A pattern of behaviour — monitoring, rules, isolation, threats — designed to dominate and strip away someone's freedom.
Why it matters
Even without physical violence, coercive control is serious and, in some places, a criminal offence.
What it can look like
Checking phones and messages, demanding passwords, tracking location, or using apps and devices to monitor someone.
Why it matters
Surveillance removes privacy and is often used to enforce control and instil fear.
What it can look like
Repeated unwanted contact, following, watching, or turning up uninvited — in person or online.
Why it matters
Stalking can escalate quickly and is a strong warning sign of serious risk, especially around separation.
What it can look like
Harassment, threats, financial control, or using court and children to continue control after a relationship ends.
Why it matters
Leaving does not always end abuse, and the period around separation can be the most dangerous.
What it can look like
Using children to monitor or control a partner, threatening to remove them, or exposing them to abuse.
Why it matters
Children can be deeply affected by domestic abuse even when they are not physically harmed or in the room.
Many mothers face added pressures that can make abuse harder to name or leave. You are not alone, and none of these pressures make abuse acceptable.
Cultural, religious or family expectations never justify violence, sexual coercion, intimidation or controlling another person's freedom.
Want to think about your own relationship?
These tools provide information and guidance. They are not professional risk assessments, diagnoses or substitutes for specialist domestic-abuse, medical, legal or emergency support.