Breastfeeding Pain Is Not Something You Have to Endure

If breastfeeding is hurting you, the pain is almost always telling you something specific, and in most cases it is something that can be fixed in a single sitting with the right person watching.

Some tenderness in the first few days is common while your body adjusts. Pain that runs through every feed, pain that is worse in week two than it was in week one, cracked or bleeding skin, dreading the next feed before your baby has even woken up. None of that is something you are meant to simply carry until it passes.

The most common cause is a shallow latch. It is also one of the easiest things to correct once somebody shows you what to look for.

On Sunday we published Keji's account of the weeks she spent hiding this from everyone, counting backwards from fifty to survive each feed, smiling at visitors, then crying behind a closed door. This is the part that comes after. What a nurse found in her bedroom on a Tuesday afternoon, in about four minutes, and what you can check tonight.

"Small pain like this, you will get used to it"

If an aunty has said this to you, you are not alone, and she almost certainly means well. She was told the same thing by her own mother. But there is a real difference between your body adjusting and your body being injured, and it is worth knowing which one you are dealing with.

Likely just early adjustment

Not something to endure

If the second list sounds like you, please do not wait for it to settle on its own. Go and let someone look.

The most common culprit: a shallow latch

This was Keji's whole problem, and it is the reason behind most breastfeeding pain that gets written off as normal. When your baby latches onto the tip of the nipple instead of taking in a proper mouthful of breast, every single suck presses down on the most sensitive part of you, again and again, ten or more times a day.

It was never her pain threshold. It was millimetres.

What a good latch looks like

What a good latch feels like

One thing to try tonight: bring your baby to your breast instead of leaning your breast down toward her, and wait for that wide open mouth before you let her latch. If it starts to hurt, do not grit your teeth and continue. Slide a clean finger into the corner of her mouth to break the suction gently, and try again. It is not stubbornness to reset it three times if that is what it takes.

Other reasons it might be hurting

None of these are things to diagnose yourself at 2am with your phone torch. They are things to bring to someone trained to look, because the right fix depends entirely on which one it is, and treating the wrong one wastes time.

When to stop enduring and go back

Go back to the hospital where you delivered, your nearest primary health centre, or a certified lactation consultant if you notice any of these:

That last one belongs on the list as much as the fever does. Dread is your mind doing the same job pain does in your body. It is telling you something needs support.

Small things that help while you sort out the cause

These will make things more bearable. They are not a substitute for finding out what is actually causing the pain.

The sentence worth saying to yourself

Before that nurse ever walked into her bedroom, Keji had already decided, quietly and on her own, that suffering through it was simply what a good mother did. Her own mother had said, almost in passing, "I breastfed five of you, I never complained." Keji folded that sentence into herself and stopped asking for help.

It took a stranger watching her feed for four minutes to say the thing that changed everything.

Pain is information. It is not a verdict on your mothering.

You do not need to wait for a crisis to say the same thing to yourself. If a feed is hurting you, you are allowed to say so out loud, to your husband, your mother, a nurse, anyone, long before you find yourself sitting on a bathroom floor with your hands over your ears.

Breastfeeding is natural. Learning how to do it, for you and for your baby, usually is not. That is not a reflection of how much you love her, or how capable a mother you are. It is simply something worth getting help with, the same way you would with anything else this important.

Read Keji's full story here.